My Journey to Hell
by An Insane Nobody
Summary: Itachi writes in a diary the day his brother is born. Focuses on Itachi's viewpoint of his actions, choices, and mostly on his relationship with Sasuke. T for now. Giftfic for Zesty.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Journal,

This is the first time I have ever thought of using the journal mother got me for my birthday, but I feel that I am actually compelled to write about something. Today, I became a big brother. My father wishes me to become the strongest of our line, and I hope to please him, if not to protect my little Sasuke. Just one look into those sweet eyes…I believe he already has me wrapped around his finger.

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

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><p>Itachi sat back in his desk, sighing as he glanced over what he wrote. He was hopeless. How could someone love something that they had just met so much? He felt as if his heart would shatter if he displeased Sasuke, if he made that smiling face sad in any way. Itachi shook his head, closing the book and rushing out the door to meet his team for their mission. Even though Itachi was given a week to stay at home for his newborn brother, he wanted to get back to work as soon as possible to get away from his own thoughts. Work was an excellent distraction from the denial and arguing going through Itachi's mind at that moment, and he couldn't help but feel grateful that he had an excuse, being the first born and all that jazz.<p>

Itachi returned home wet and bloody. On their B-ranked mission his team had encountered an ambush due to their client's negligence to be truthful while filling out paperwork. Itachi had used his body to protect their client while the ninja were eliminated, and he now had a large gash on his arm. He sighed as he staggered to his drawer that kept his medical supplies and tried to get out of his wet clothes at the same time. He forced his heavy lids to stay open a moment longer.

"Itachi?" Mikoto whispered through the door. Itachi had to work hard to focus on what she said, trying to comprehend seemingly meaningless words that sounded like gibberish to his worn and battle hungry mind.

"Hn?" He turned his head slightly as the door cracked open. Mikoto silently went to Itachi's side and took the bandages from his hands, wrapping his wound gently and draping a towel over his shoulders.

"Sasuke is asleep and dinner is ready. If you feel up to it come eat, alright?" She gave him a concerned and meaningful glance.

"Yes." He nodded, letting his mother exit before sitting on his bed. He couldn't even remember falling asleep.

_Chapter End_

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><p><strong>Sorry I didn't make it very long, but I figured it would be interesting to post something on 11-11-11 at 11pm. Thank you for reading, and if you see any mistakes please contact me.<strong>

**An Insane Nobody**


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Journal,

Yesterday is the day the world burned down. Fire was everywhere and people screamed as they were crushed and singed by the power of a demon. This is the first time I've ever been afraid for my future. Kyuubi had attacked the village while I held Sasuke in my arms, he trembled but never cried. I couldn't help but feel his bravery was for my sake, knowing I'd have been especially distressed if he was upset. Either way, today my team is dispatched to clean up the mess, I truly hope I do not see dead bodies…I know many have died, but no one can know I am slightly squeamish around dead things. I hope I improve in the future; I am a ninja after all.

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

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><p>Itachi felt like his entry was missing something, something he had just unearthed deep inside him and had yet to realize the intensity of it. He searched within himself, and found he could not grasp the missing concept, and figured it would come to him eventually. He huffed slightly as he tacked on his many supplies, passing by Sasuke's room to check on him unconsciously before finally leaving.<p>

Len and Miku arrived shortly after Itachi and they began cleaning without their Sensei, starting on the many burned buildings on the outskirts of the village. They ran sweep after sweep, searching for people that were still alive, and keeping track of the dead. Itachi winced internally at every corpse he had to carry, stacking it on the straw mat and placing another over it. He could barely make out what the body was, be it female or male. He swallowed and kept going.

The rest of the day went quietly, Itachi and his team worked without complaint and well past their hours. Until Itachi came across a scene so gruesome and heart wrenching that it made him choke back tears. A small boy's burnt body lay over his infant brother, who was still crying with life. Itachi looked away, now knowing what his feeling was earlier. He would die for his brother in a heartbeat—a million times over if need be; much like this boy did here. Itachi's sensei placed a hand on Itachi's shoulder, but Itachi shook it off. He went over to the boy's side and picked the baby up carefully, carrying it with loving eyes.

"Itachi, let me see the baby." His sensei said gently.

"Hn." Itachi shook his head, holding the now sleeping baby to his chest.

"I need to make sure he's healthy."

"…" Itachi stared blankly into space, as if seeing a horrifying vision. It took two hours until his sensei finally convinced him to let go of the infant.

The image of the boy's dead body still haunts him.

_Chapter End_

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><p><strong>It's about the same length as the other chapter…Sorry… <strong>

**Anyway, this chapter is brought to you by Servant of Evil sang by Len Kagamine (Which also inspired the names of Itachi's team).**

**If there are any errors please contact me.**


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Journal,

Sasuke is growing up so fast. He's already four years old. I have to be stronger if I wish to protect him though. I'm only a Chuunin. I sense this village is about to spiral into chaos…I don't know how to stop it. I am very frightened.

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

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><p>"What is Aniki writing?" Little black orbs shined brightly as Sasuke tried to stand on his tip-toes to investigate Itachi's journal.<p>

"Nothing, Otouto." Itachi smiled, poking his little brother in the forehead.

"Will Aniki train with me today?"

"Hn…I'm busy Sasuke. Maybe later." Itachi shook his head negatively. Truthfully, he was not busy at all, but he did not want his precious brother to become a tool for the village; to be used and thrown away when not useful anymore. Much like he is today.

Itachi was quite upset. For the first time, his brother crawled into his bed with nightmares, and Itachi suspected it wouldn't be the last. He tried to stop his brother's furious shaking, his fear leaking into his big brother since neither knew what to do, and finally succeeded in getting him to sleep as the sun began to gently rise over the horizon. Itachi sighed; it was going to be a long day.

Sadly, Itachi was very much right. He was called into a secret meeting with the council to discuss his fate.

"You know that if you fail this mission you and your family will all die." The elder spoke calmly, as if he had any right to talk about death when he had never actually encountered it.

"Hn." Itachi nodded, for his brother's sake, he would become a spy within his own family.

"You will report every week, or upon emergencies, immediately starting today." The woman spoke; Itachi nodded and was dismissed back into the shadows. He now wore the mark of an ANBU, a mask on his face and a tattoo on his arm, as if to make him anonymously impure. He knew the next time he looked in the mirror; he would be disgusted at what he became. But, all was necessary to protect the village and his precious Sasuke. He supposed that thought would be all that kept him going from now on…

When Itachi did get home, he was barraged with questions from his father. Where had he been, what did they say, how did he do, did he get in? All these questions yet not a single 'I'm proud of you' or 'how was your day?' not that he expected it now. Besides, any kindness now from them would hurt later when he had to betray them. Itachi found it ironic that they wanted him to spy on the council in turn. His village was filled with backstabbers, and he was the worst offender…

_Chapter End_

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><p><strong>Short and late I know. I could fling you many reasons why I did not update, mostly involving the new happenings in my family, but I know you came to read about Itachi, and so I will try my hardest to get the latest chapter up soon. Thank you for your patience.<strong>

**If there are any errors please contact me.  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Journal,

Lately I've had to lie more than I like to. I feel dirty in Sasuke's presence, like I am not worthy of his purity. I can barely live with myself after killing Shisui...Then having Sasuke see my befouled new eyes made things that much worse. I know the end is near, I am just glad they could spare Sasuke.

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

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><p>Itachi couldn't contain his inner turmoil much longer, and he was happy he had at least this minor release. He set down his pen and began plotting on how tonight would go. He had asked for Sasuke to be spared...he would be kept late tonight at school. Itachi had 3 hours to do this...He took a deep breath, picking up his kunai and stepping out to greet his destiny.<p>

Sadly, Sasuke got home exactly according to plan. Itachi watched as he walked cautiously home. Sasuke stumbled in as Itachi slew his parents, dropping them harshly to the floor. Itachi bit his lip as he quoted his minotinous speech he had rehearsed to perfection, trying to appear as cold and evil as possible. Sasuke reacted as thought also, fainting and wimpering in his forced slumber. Itachi sobbed silently as he moved him out of his parents blood, placing a quick kiss to his forehead before vanishing into the night. He could only afford that one act of mercy upon his dear brother, and only later would he know it was this that caused the world's undoing.

_Chapter End_

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><p><strong>So much shorter then the others, but I plan to get back into gear and pull another chapter out of my ass by tomorrow. My computer got a virus and I only just got it back from the shop. I do appologize for my lateness. If you see any errors please contact me.<strong>

_**An Insane Nobody**_


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Journal,

I feel broken. My heart feels empty. I am apparently incomplete without Sasuke, as well as a sense of purpose. What am I supposed to do? I understand I am a spy for the village, but how am I supposed to adapt to being a "hardened criminal"? Luckily, my partner in the Akatsuki is understanding, as well as somewhat dim and therefore easily manipulated. Though I would like to point out he has helped me adapt within the past week thus far. Even so...I cant help but quake as my heart clenches longingly for the loving awe filled gaze of my dear brother. His gaze would surely not be awe filled now...It hurt so much to see such pain in his eyes. _I _did that. I am a monster. Perhaps the Akatsuki is indeed where I belong...

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

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><p>Itachi covered up his journal in time to block curious eyes from encoding his heartfelt text. Kisame grinned at Itachi, misconstruing the entire situation based on false assumptions.<p>

"Writing a letter to yer girly pal?" Kisame raised an eyebrow. It took all of Itachi's willpower not to roll his eyes.

"Hn." He grunted, placing the booklet in a scroll for further safe-keeping. He definitely could not trust the odd blue shark-man.

"Talkative one."Kisame snorted. "That's all you'll say to me. I'm sure we'll have the best conversations!"

"..."Itachi glared, wishing to grunt for irony's sake. However, he didn't want the blue man to think he had a sense of humor, for then he would expect him to chit chat and make jokes. Itachi did not have time for such games, and he was sure that Kisame didn't have any Intel on the Akatsuki that was any different from his current understanding. Kisame had been here longer than Itachi, yet Itachi most likely knew more about the organization they were working for. This fact gave Itachi a small sense of satisfaction, although brief, as his attention snapped back to his partner balancing a kunai on his nose. He sighed. He better get used to this...

_Chapter End_

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><p><strong>Sorry this wasn't out yesterday, but hey! It's not as sad as some of the other chapters! I even attempted comedy! Eh? Eh? <strong>

…

**Yeah, I'm pretty bad at comedy...**

**Either way, if there are any errors please contact me.**

_**An Insane Nobody**_


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Journal,

I found a dead dog on the side of the road. Her head was bashed in with a blunt object. She suffered. Her jaw was broken, she bled to death, and there is evidence she had puppies. The people who killed her were breeders who deemed her too unhealthy to have more puppies, and killed her...

I would have taken her.

…

I killed them.

They did nothing to me, but I killed them. I couldn't keep her face out of my head. The look said "why?" and my heart ached. It reminded me of Sasuke...

Maybe I am a ruthless killer.

Maybe the village was right to send me away.

Maybe they knew.

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

* * *

><p>Itachi's shovel sank into the ground as he secretly buried the dog while Kisame was out getting supplies. He couldn't let Kisame know he was so soft...<p>

He didn't bury the human bodies.

He let them rot in the sun and grow maggots like the filth they were.

Insignificant, dirty, killers.

_Just like him._

That was the first time since he left the village a year ago that he cried. A creature born to love humans was betrayed by the worst of them.

Every day from then on, Itachi would try to make up for this by leaving bits of his rations for strays, and providing company to some while his partner was away. Such a day came when a little grey kitten with a broken leg was left in a box in the rain. Itachi reached for the kitten, but hesitated to pick it up when he realized his partner was present.

"Do ya think I don' know what 'cha been doin'?" Kisame smirked, nodding towards the kitten, who mewled softly at them.

"..." Itachi's brows furrowed.

"It's okay, I have a weakness for animals too." Kisame confessed, picking up the kitten tenderly and holding it steady while Itachi set and dressed the wound. "You just can't keep 'em. We're criminals and we gotta act like it or we'll make the boss look bad...and we don' wanna make the boss look bad." Kisame laughed. Itachi smirked lightly, placing the kitten in his jacket.

"We will drop him off in the next village when he is healed." Itachi said, no argument in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah." Kisame waved him off.

* * *

><p>It was a quiet evening at camp with Itachi and Kisame. Itachi held the kitten in his lap, stroking his head softly.<p>

"He is healed sufficiently. We can drop him off in the next village if you like." Itachi said monotonously. Kisame nodded, taking a bite of his rice ball.

"S' I was thinking-"_Because you do a lot of that. _Itachi thought with a small smirk. "'f a guy can't take animals dying, how can you murder your whole family?"

"..." Itachi thought. "Animals and people are different. Animals will love you unconditionally, even if you do not love them back. They will stay loyal far after you are dead, and wish nothing more than to please you and earn your love also. Humans destroy and corrupt. They kill for the sake of killing. I feel it disturbing that we are able to kill something so pure and innocent but take it as a crime to murder each other, no matter how evil the human."

There was a moment of silence.

"Is that why you didn't kill your brother?" Kisame muttered.

Itachi pretended not to hear him.

_Chapter End_

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><p><strong>So it took a year to update this. I just haven't been able to, I've stared at the blank document for hours and nothing, but this came on suddenly. Perhaps I just don't have the Itachi feel any more?<strong>

**Also, you can translate into as many languages or post it wherever you wish.  
><strong>

**Either way, any errors please contact me.**

**An Insane Nobody.**


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Journal,

I feel so emotionally drained and I wish I could just give up. I no longer have hope, hope is just a word with a large hole in it. I had wished Sasuke would kill me and be a hero, but after our fight he became a rouge and joined Orochimaru...

God knows what experiments he's preforming on Sasuke. He just doesn't seem balanced at all. Of course, what ninja is?

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

* * *

><p>As Itachi and Kisame walked along the dirt path towards the hidden mist, Itachi stumbled, leaning on a tree as he coughed up a wad of blood. He was dying. It would be a long, painful death that no one would remember. He wished he could just end it then, just end the pain...<p>

But he couldn't.

He knew he couldn't...Sasuke depended on his death. His death at the right time, at the right place, by the right person, and for the right reason. Otherwise, everything Itachi worked for would fall and chaos would ensue. He would hate to know his brother was felled by Itachi's plan gone wrong. What could he do if it did go badly? He couldn't possibly kill his brother...not after working for so long to ensure his survival...He would have to depend on someone else...

He glanced at Kisame, who was chuckling to himself at a joke he most likely told in his head, used to Itachi coughing up blood now.

No, definitely not Kisame...

Itachi thought back to his fight with his brother. The blonde jinchuuriki...Naruto. Perhaps he could trust him to take care of his little brother. He did seem to have a remarkable bond with him that he had only seen with himself.

A pang of jealousy shot through Itachi like lightning. Of course his brother was going to make friends...but he had hoped that their bond was special, and his love for his brother would always be unique.  
>Itachi sighed, gaining a glance from Kisame.<p>

"Is something wrong?" Kisame cocked an eyebrow.

"Hn." Itachi shook his head and Kisame dropped the subject. After years of traveling with Itachi, he knew when he couldn't get an answer out of him. They continued on their walk that seemed to have no end.

But as Itachi, it would end for him soon.

_Chapter End_

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><p><strong>Hello, I just discovered that I am really addicted to reviews...and after no one but my neighbor reviewed the last two chapters I decided to update again in hopes of enticing someone to tell me their opinion on this little story...<strong>

**Tell me it is terrible in every way and I'll be happy, I just want to know how to improve.**

**As always, if there are errors please contact me.**

_**An Insane Nobody**_


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